Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Eyeball Massacre!

Okay, so my appointment this morning was a screening to see if I was a good candidate for LASIK surgery. My eyes have been bad my entire life--really, really bad. I've worn glasses since third grade, contacts for years, etc. I've wanted LASIK for as long as I can remember.

So I set up this appointment at the high-tech Moran Institute at the University of Utah. I thought the screening would be a five minute sit-down talk with an eye doc. Boy, was I wrong. They tortured my eyeballs for three and a half hours! EYE carumba! (Get it? EYE...never mind) I stared deeply into at least twelve laser beams, had yellow goo dripped into my eyes, stared up, stared down, etc. They did NOT use the worst machine--that wicked thing that shoots the puff of air into your eye. So, at least there's that. But they used everything else.

And guess what? I DON'T qualify for LASIK. The doctor said my corneas are too thin. According to him, LASIK is "Out of the question!" I do qualify for super-awesome corneal implants--which I would totally get, if they weren't, ulp, $4,000 per eyeball. (by my math, that's over $12,000 total!)

So I'll be wearing my glasses and contacts for a few more years, until the price drops.

My eyes were so blitzed that I had to drive home with crazy dark glasses. When I got home and looked in the mirror, they looked like this:


The light on my face is bright afternoon sun. That's some crazy dilation.

Needless to say, I don't want ANY extra staring at the screen time today. So you'll have to wait until tomorrow for the next part of the Taco story.

6 comments:

Sarah C. said...

The curse of Hale eyes. I don't qualify, either. My niece Annie Pulsipher has 9.5 contacts for each eye. Nephew Colton McKay has had a cornea transplant. A small price to pay for the genetic brilliance, right?

Helene said...

Aw, that's too bad.
...Thinking of eyes made me think of this nice quote: "There's only one 'eye' in 'pirate'!"

Meredith said...

That's a real kick in the pants. I can't believe you had to be tortured for hours for no reason.

Sarah C. said...

4k x # of eyeballs=12K? Do you have an extra eyeball?

Rachel Q said...

Well Sarah, he did say "by my math". His math must add differently. :)

I went to a new eye doctor in California and they had all sorts of fancy equipment I'd never seen (I've been going to eye doctors since I was one). Instead of the air puffer they had this thing like a big pen with a rounded tip that they bounced on my eyeball. Weirdest thing. It didn't hurt, but my vision was like looking at ripples in lake.

Erin Shakespear said...

Oh, my. I'd love to get that done, but I'm a great big chicken...

Sorry it didn't work out for you though!